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October 11, 2013
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home is so different when you're
standing behind the wall;
i wonder of the people who
live/will live in that house now as i
stand yonder on the neighbor's
yard,

my face illuminated in a yellow
light.

i wonder if they'd listen to my winding
stories; the nights i'd scream
back at my parents as they screamed
at each other -

the tornadoes and storms that ripped
through the back yard, leaving us untouched
but devastating others -

the christmas and easter mornings, good
times and bad, dreams and heartbreak
and so much cigarette smoke staining
the walls and my lungs.

(we were a good american family with
good american values and traditions,
weren't we?)

i wonder if they'd listen to my twisting
roots, sitting calmly as i'd tell them
of the horrors of standing naked
in front of my mother to have her tell
me my body was wrong.

i've always been told that people
abuse in myriads of ways, but never
that the walls of my old home
would abuse along.
still struggling with what happened two and a half years ago
tonight we spoke of baby blankets, and i realized mine is forever gone (among millions of other things i claimed to own)
my baby blanket, with the elephant in the middle and "the dirty corner"

not only this, but my presence is forever gone. i wish i had left a note, but things were too hectic - i didn't know if i'd ever go "home" again. if i had the time to have written one, i would've just slipped it in the closet, a simple message reading "if you've found this, you've found me. forcopeland . deviantart . com" (back when i was for mr. copeland...)

the saddest thing is i want to replace all the hurtful things/memories with good things/memories, but that would be whitewashing over my past, the same way the mortgage company and the bank have whitewashed over the trauma that was my "home"...sometimes i don't understand why i can't do the same.

EDIT 10.19.2012 I GOT A DD? WELL HOT DOG. THANKS TO ALL. ESPECIALLY =ssolaris

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Daily Deviation

Given 2013-10-19
the invisible wounds of war by =forshepard Suggester Writes: a very moving poem that depicts a child taken aback from the idea that family can be just as bad as a natural disaster. ( Suggested by ssensory and Featured by Beccalicious )
:iconfantasy-luver:
Fantasy-luver Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I've read so many of your poems a this morning. They are so surreal.. Life is really a surreal thing though when you are trapped in your head. I found myself crying reading this one, i can relate, but not in the same ways as you. I have a feeling if we had known eachother in life we would be close. Your stories are hauntingly beautiful.
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:iconforshepard:
forshepard Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2014   Writer
unfortunately, i do live trapped in my own head. i'm sorry that my poem made you sad, but i'm glad it moved you to feel something - that makes me feel successful as an artist. thank you so much for your feedback - keep being wonderful.
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:iconxxamufujibioshixx:
XxAmuFujibioshixX Featured By Owner Oct 19, 2013  Student
This is beautifully writen! Congrats on the DD! And I hope that things get better for you, family trouble is tough.... :hug:
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:iconforshepard:
forshepard Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2013   Writer
wow, thank you! :heart:
it's gotten better over the years, but i still struggle sometimes. :hug: 
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:iconxxamufujibioshixx:
XxAmuFujibioshixX Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2013  Student
^-^ That's good, and if you ever want someone to talk to I'll be happy to help in any way that I can!
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:iconforshepard:
forshepard Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2013   Writer
thank you!
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:iconxxamufujibioshixx:
XxAmuFujibioshixX Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2013  Student
:D No problem~!
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:icondrippingwords:
DrippingWords Featured By Owner Oct 19, 2013  Student Writer
This is so moving. :heart: Congratulations on the DD! It's very well-deserved.
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:iconforshepard:
forshepard Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2013   Writer
thank you so much! :heart:
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:icondrippingwords:
DrippingWords Featured By Owner Oct 25, 2013  Student Writer
You're welcome! :heart:
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